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In our age, a clear pattern of action is at all. even the painting of eyelashes. And only love remains unpredictable. Inna Unit decided: get rid of the uncertainty. provide a win-win strategy! And developed a business plan relations.
Our generation grew up in an era of change: something crunched. was falling apart. were privatized and reconstructed. From a planned economy cabin turned to market. from school uniform — to green losina. from the “Pioneer zorki” as the series about a Mexican donah. The world stood before us, a celebration of unpredictability. It seems. it made our worldview few fatal: we believe. that happiness must either fall from the sky. either come up from the corner and make a dark. and the area of love and family harmony — it’s a surprise with a bow: let inside it’s ticking. packaging away from sin better not to open. It is not surprising. that in Russia. according to VTsIOM. every second marriage breaks up.
In Western countries the boring stability has forced people to plan things. including family relationships and the sharp question: who loads the washing machine on even days? We still considered. that the marriage contract — an indication. what you don’t trust each other silver spoons. And if the partners are discussing something before the wedding. the only ways to divide property upon divorce. What about the allocation of responsibilities in his school? The ability of the wife to spend the weekend with friends? The right to receive a massage before bed? On such minutiae based stable marriage.
Why don’t you connect to a new format of relations? For example. you went to the movies and realized. what serious feelings. Now « Masha and Petya” — is the brand of your startup. Defining goals and objectives ( for example. “every fourth child should do in the section Sambo”), you make a plan of action. Usually something we keep in mind: sex is not before the second date. meet the parents. when they accidentally come back from the theater an hour early. But the plan. which we propose to develop. much better. not least because. he agreed with Peter. And therefore. devoid of vain expectations and illusions. How do I know. suddenly you will be able to build this scheme is so successful enterprise. the grandkids Sambo wrestlers will be proud of.
Expert advice Tatiana Alexander ( business coach. expert in effective communication) and Oksana Fadeyeva ( a psychologist. a specialist in interpersonal communication):
The essence of the project
T. A.: In any case. including relationships. there is an essence. Not always desire partners of the same: a girl can dream about family and children. and the man sees her only desksnersa for sex and travel. Discuss. what type of relationship is right for you — guest marriage. marriage on the weekends. civil. traditional. an open relationship. Properly then. that suits both. so do not think about the opinions of others.
O. F.: Clarify intentions — it is extremely useful. If you set a goal to marry in the coming months. then the information about. what your new boyfriend is planning another twenty years to remain a bachelor. will help to save time and nerve cells.
T. A.: it is Important to find out. what value have the relationship for both partners. Business gurus know: the product runs the risk of falling in the market. if it is not the essence of owlsfalls to the transmitted values. Make sure. what you don’t give the partner an easy hobby for serworse feeling and Vice versa. Also agree on the plan ’ s external marketing” — will you advertise yourselves as a couple or down with a joint photo in Instagram.
O. F.: Checking values. no doubt about it. it is not superfluous. but here the main thing — not to hurry. Not to confuse the ever-changing romance with a love for life. need to be together for at least a year. So time here — the best judge.
T. A.: Distribute responsibilities of the parties and will solve the housing problem. In Patriarchal families. that man makes money. and the woman takes care of the house. even if the work itself. Were you happy with this? If not. how to divide household chores? What will you do. what — a man? Find out. who wants to hang out at work. how to deal with the housing issue.
O. F.: The Contract. concerning farming. really Shoud be at the very beginning of their life together. The appeal to mutual agreement is usually more effective. than women’s classic tediousness and piles.
The production plan
T. A.: what will build your relationship? Will you spend the holiday together or once a year will allow each other to relax alone or even with friends? How important for each of you sex. joint experience. attentions? When and how many children you will have? Let’s discuss it. and other fundamentally important for both parts of the relationship. in order to avoid future conflicts.
O. F.: Here there are pitfalls. Today you can be childfree activist. a year later awakened maternal instinct will sweep away from the earth prior understanding. Take the opportunity to reconsider if something happens to that plan.
T. A.: In our culture to discuss this question it is not accepted. and for good reason. Money — one of the factors in the stability of the family. therefore, to reach agreement on this issue is very important. Decide with a partner. whether your budget total. If Yes. what fraction invests every one of you? Who carries small expenses. but for whom remains a word in big financial decisions?
O. F.: As in ” Organizational plan”, there is a dramatic change. Not because of the irresponsibility. but simply because. what circumstances and characters can change. So, the guarantee of good relations not in the literal adherence to the contract. and the willingness to creatively adapt to new circumstances.
In case of disagreement
T. A.: In any business plan there is a point. providing for the actions of the parties in case of conflict. If feel free to arrange a marriage contract. agree. what style will resolve everyday disputes. what behavior is considered acceptable. what — no. Speak acceptable to both the way of life in case of force majeure — layoffs or illness of one partner.
O. F.: forewarned — that is armed. In the process of discussing hypotheticalfir difficulties and painful moments will be useful to understand. who is who and whether this man to go to exploration. because life’s path is not always strewn with rose petals.
62% of couples believe. that the basis of a happy marriage is the equal division of responsibilities. This confirms the study. conducted by scientists from the University of California.
The best time to have sex for couples in marriage — Thursday morning. scientists have found from the London school of Economics. According to their data. it was at this time the hormones required to be in the morning love ratio.
44% of married couples reported. what quarrels help them communicate better. Marriage to be inviolable. need to swear once a week. the psychologist from the University of Tennessee. shouting on the phone insulting words addressed to their halves.
Sex on schedule provokes infidelity. Journal of andrology Journal of found. that every 10th man. forced to do so. wound up the intrigue on the side.
10% of marriages break up because of tips “ friends” — relatives. friends. acquaintances — estimated American psychologist James McNulty.
Honest. but the hard conversations early in the relationship as a result make a couple happier. found researchers from the University of Florida.
40 or 50 hours a week should work husband. the risk of divorce was lower. scientists believe the Melbourne Institute.
Plan everything — from vacation before the birth of children.
C lionia we met 10 years ago at J. J. at First I thought our communication is only as friendship. but he persistently looked after me. It was impossible to resist. I gave up. I can’t say. that relationship developed rapidly. To live together we started five years later. and before that we talked. we have to stand up. to test the feelings of the time and only then think about a more serious step. Cohabitation was a very difficult period. but it has pushed us to the wedding. We played a year after. as gathered. Date 12.06.2010 was not chosen arbitrarily: mathematical mind suggested Lena. what is a special combination of numbers. In preparation for the event took six months: I love Italy. and the atmosphere of celebration was inspired by this country. After we became husband and wife. thinking about buying your own apartment and the child. I’ve always thought. I want to give birth to the firstborn to 30 years. and on a trip to Portugal ( which. by the way. we also carefully planned) decided to start to bring the idea to life. Everything turned out! In may of this year our son was born a novel. and its name indicates the place of birth — the city of Rome. where we came specifically for childbirth. In the next five years we plan two more children. hope. what all will be possible. We understand. the family — this is not so much passion and romance. much work on yourself. the ability to hear partner. to make concessions and allow each other to make dreams come true.
According to psychologist Ekaterina Mikhailova: «In fact relations in planning is not needed. but such an attempt can be useful by itself. In a world with a hard choice overload circuits protect us from the fear of losing the ground under their feet. but risks there are risks. hope and pain remain. for what they are. and relationships with loved ones — the gift”.